all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
