There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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