Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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