guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
you told grandpa to call you daddy
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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