I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
