So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
