Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
