Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
