JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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