I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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