I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
