had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
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