she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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