I hate all girls vehemently.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
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