nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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