I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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