i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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