You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
