Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
