If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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