What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
