It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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