So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
