He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just pee around me
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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