And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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