you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
tell me about the fingering