I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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