Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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