I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
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Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
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My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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