isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
