I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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