I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
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