it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
