k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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