i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
So much rum. So many feels.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
