Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
