She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
