If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
