after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
