Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
