The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
