On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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