he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I had to cum in my sink.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
