She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
