I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
