i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear