She is in my trunk
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt