I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn