The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
