high people should be assigned attendants
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference