The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I have already put on my inside pants.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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