so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
