He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
