as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
