nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
