you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
