Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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