come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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