We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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