Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
