Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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