I just threw up on my dentist
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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