Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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