i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
