I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We're not piercing ourselves today.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
